we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
