he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
