A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
