Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
