if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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