i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
