Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
