WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Couch. On fire.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
