based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
