there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
