in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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