i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
