It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
