I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Randomize
