Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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