I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
