you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
