Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
