Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
