Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
