ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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