Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
