He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
