Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
