Me. At least after what I've been through.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
