Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
