i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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