if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
