How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
