tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
