I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
