GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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