Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
