i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
