My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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