mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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