Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
