I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
