a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
