I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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