The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hippo gnu deer
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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