Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
