worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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