Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
