there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
