i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
