So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
