i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Randomize
