I wish i was in the wii world.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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