I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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