Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
