best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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