Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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