You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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