every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We need to rekindle our bromance
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
